I was asking a friend the other day about her new year's eve plans. Like me, she's single, and her response was, "I don't celebrate it, it's just another day." She's been invited to parties, but she doesn't want to go, because she's single, and the loneliness of her singlehood is highlighted in moments like that.
I have compassion and empathy for that idea... Holidays are a hard time to be single. It definitely puts a spotlight on your status, and can make it feel like a very lonely time. I've been there. I'm not anymore, and haven't been for some time. In fact, I stubbornly refuse to be sidelined at joyous occasions simply because, in the eyes of the world, I am alone. I'm thankful I have a circle of friends who are fairly mindful of single people, and are intentional about making room for them in their lives as couples.
I don't like it how the world defines happiness, I vehemently disagree with the premise that you can only be happy in a relationship. In fact, sometimes, that is completely UNtrue--some of the most miserable people I have seen are people who choose to stay in bad relationships, simply because they are afraid to be alone.
I think the truth is that you can't be truly "happy" unless you can be happy with yourself first. Sure, loneliness happens to everyone, we all need people. But there is something really great to be said for being able to enjoy your own company, too.
No one person can fulfill all my relational needs. I have different friends for different reasons... I like the list in "6 Friends Every Girl Needs," though I can probably think of a few additional categories. I think one of the most ill-informed, corny lines in a movie--EVER--is "You complete me." Hog wash! Malarkey! A relationship can only be healthy if the two people entering it are whole and healthy on their own. Truth be told, there are various aspects of my life that make me complete. At this stage of my life, a guy might enhance, augment, improve it. But he definitely would not complete me.
I didn't always have this outlook. For years I wrestled. I've prayed many times "God, if I can serve you better as a single person than I can as a married one, I will do it, I will submit my will to Yours. My heart really wants to find someone and get married, so please help me reconcile my desires with what you want for me." As I've grown older, I've not closed the door on the potential or the possibility. I've even been in love, been loved back, and come close to marriage (at least, I thought so at the time). But I've made peace with the fact that not everyone does get married, but that does not mean a fulfilling life cannot be had.
In fact, as Paul writes, single people can serve God in ways married people cannot, because we don't have to be concerned about pleasing not just God, but a significant other, too. For this reason, I try to take advantage of my singleness by blessing people with my time. I am well aware that I have availability more so than my married counterparts, so my use of my time becomes my ministry.
Finding this place of contentment/peace with who I am and where I am in my life has not come easily. It has been hard work--sometimes, REALLY hard. It means deliberately choosing my thoughts sometimes. It sometimes (depending on my frame of mind) means avoiding chick flicks and sappy love songs that make me start to feel discontentment. It means reaching out to friends when I need to talk or need company. It means dealing with the pressures and problems of life on my own. It means tearfully kneeling before the Father and submitting my desires, over and over again. Sometimes it means embracing and and learning to sit with my pain and loneliness, and to avoid running from it. But those moments pass, and life as a whole is full and rich and incredibly beautiful.
So, tonight, I will gather with friends, almost all of whom will be "attached" in one form or another. And when midnight strikes, for a brief moment, as everyone around me ushers in 2012 with a smooch, I might be sad that there will be no kissing for me, and that 2013 begins with me as a single girl--still. But I'll hug the necks of the people around me, and be exceedingly grateful for all the blessings this year has brought, with hope in my heart for what is yet to come. That may or may not include a person to accompany me down the road, but even if it doesn't, it's been good year, and that makes for a good start.
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