Gratitude for the Albatross

Today I conquered mountains!!!!

Well, Ok... not mountains. But all in one day I paid a traffic ticket, fixed an issue with my property tax and retrieved documents needed for registering the new car (not as easy as it sounded, having moved 6 times since the last time I registered a car), titled and registered said car, and arranged to sell old car tomorrow (well, today, I guess). Nothing like a day dealing with the governments to make you feel accomplished.

I even washed and vacuumed the car, because I actually have a car worth keeping up! I know these things probably seem pretty mundane. But if you could only feel the joy and relief I have over them!! Oh, it's glorious!!

I say it frequently if you are around me enough, car stress is my worst stress. I think there are many people like me who just feel intimidated by car issues. In good times, I feel intimidated just purely for the fact that I don't know anything about my car, and when stuff goes wrong I have to trust people (mechanics) who are legendary for not being so. But in recent years, with so much instability in my jobs and finances, it was magnified a hundredfold. 


My old car felt like such an albatross around my neck. It was always on the brink of something that was sure to upset the financial apple cart; not to mention that it couldn't pass inspection. The list of things wrong with it was getting comical: Horn that wouldn't stop honking; electrical short in the dashboard, causing components--odometer, tachometer, headlight indicator--to work only intermittently (less than 5% of the time); driver-side washer fluid jet missing and disabled; crack across windshield; one cylinder not firing (can you say 18mpg?); transmission leak; oil leak; tire issues; starter issues; brakes randomly going out; both side view mirrors busted... even the radio didn't work well. It was just one big, hot mess.


I drove it sans legal tags for well over a year. For about the last 6 months, it was just downright dangerous, with the brake issues.


And now....For the first time in at least 2 years, I have a car that worries me not an iota. Such a feeling of freedom!!! It's amazing!


I told a friend tonight that I've always been a little sad to give up my other cars, but not this one. I expected that tomorrow I would be skipping away from it with glee. Later, as I was gassing up my new car (at 31mpg, thankyouverymuch), I was thinking about what I said. That statement was not entirely true. While I am indeed relieved and happy to let the Cirrus go,  in hindsight, what I really feel about that car is gratitude.


Gratitude for 4 years, and over 50,000 miles. For the wonderful and dear coworkers and friends from Convoy of Hope and Central Assembly who conspired together to put that car in my hands in the first place. For road trips to Colorado and Illinois to see friends and loved ones and breathtaking beauty. For the countless hours of driving to Branson and back for work, up and down those arduous hills. For the many ways friends have helped and blessed me during times when the car was broken down, in the shop, on the brink....

Yes, it was the source of a great deal of strain, anxiety and financial woe. But I can't let that overshadow the fact that it has also been the source of great blessings at times, and some great memories, too. Tomorrow when I hand over those keys and that title, I may not be sad, but I will be grateful for what it was to me. And also grateful that I am walking away.